Responsible Citizen

While I was walking around the Waterfront this morning around 6 AM, I noticed an ANC politician slip from the dock and fall into the water.

He was struggling to stay afloat, because of all the bribes he was carrying.
If he didn’t get help he’d surely drown.

Being a responsible South African citizen, abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress,

I informed the SAPS, the NSRI, the Fire Brigade, and even the SANDF.

It is now 4:30 PM .. He has drowned, and not one of the authorities have yet responded.

I’m starting to think I wasted four stamps.

The polite way to call someone a bastard

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him.

The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, “We’re about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?”

The first guy said that he wasn’t much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighbouring course and liked to pick on suckers.

The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.

The Priest said, “You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings.”

The pro said, “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

The Priest said, “Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation…

And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I’ll marry them. “

Beijing Hotel Brochure

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.

Getting There:

Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel:

This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant:

Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room:

Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.


Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above All:

When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.


‘n Jagter se haelgeweer word deur ‘n sterk wind omgewaai.

Dit gaan af en skiet hom in sy geboortemasjien se area.
Die dokter sê, “Ek het goeie en slegte nuus. Goeie nuus: Min skade aan jou knaters, het al die haelkorrels verwyder.”
Jagter: “Wat kan die slegte nuus dan wees?”
Dokter: “Daar is egter skade aan jou meneertjie, hy het ‘n paar gate in. Ek sal jou na my suster verwys.”
Jagter: “Dit klink nie te erg nie, is jou suster n plastiese chirurg?”
Dokter: “Nee – sy speel fluit in die Johannesburgse simfonieorkes en sy gaan jou leer waar om jou vingers te plaas sodat jy nie in jou oog pis nie…”