Shame George…

On January 9 a group of Boca, FL. bikers were riding South on I-95 when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.


The leader, George a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked … "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that … and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one.

After she's finished, George gets approval from his group, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, then he says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl"
The onlookers are still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed!


The Male Psyche

Makes perfect sense to me!



Understanding the Male Psyche

This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males: 

A wife asks her husband: “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, 
and if they have avocados, get 6?" 

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. 

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" 

He replied, "They had avocados.

Not Scotland?

I was in a pub the other night and heard three girls with an overabundance of flesh, talking at the bar.

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"

One of them screeched, "It's WALES, you bloody idiot!"

So I apologized and replied,

"I am so sorry.  Are you three whales from Scotland?"

And…that's the last thing I remember….


The  Green  Thing

Checking out at Tesco, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment.

The woman apologized  and explained, "We didn't  have this green thing  back in my  earlier days."

The clerk  responded, "That's our problem  today. Your generation did not care enough  to save our  environment for future generations." She was right —  our  generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then,  we returned milk bottles, pop bottles and beer bottles to  the shop. The  shop sent them back to the plant to be washed and  sterilized and  refilled, so it could use the same bottles over  and over. So they really  were re cycled. But we didn't have the  green thing back in our  day.

We walked up stairs, because we  didn't have an escalator in  every store and office building. We  walked to the grocers and didn't  climb  into a  200-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.  But  she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back  then, we washed the baby's nappies because we didn't have the throw-away  kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy  gobbling  machine burning up 2000 watts — wind and solar power  really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got  hand-me-down clothes from their  brothers  or sisters, not always  brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right.  We didn't have  the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had  one  TV (if we were very lucky/well off), or one radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a  small screen the size of a handkerchief (anyone remember them?), not a  screen the  size of Yorkshire . In the kitchen,  we blended and stirred by  hand because we didn't have electric  machines to  do everything for us. 
When we packaged a fragile item to  send in the post,  we used wadded up old  newspapers to cushion  it, not Styrofoam or plastic  bubble wrap.  Back then,  we  didn't fire up an engine and burn petrol just to cut the lawn. We  used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised  by working so we  didn't need to go to a health club to run on  treadmills  that operate on  electricity. But she's right.  We didn't have the green thing back  then.

When we were thirsty we drank water from a tap instead of  drinking from a plastic bottle of water shipped from the other side of the world. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor  blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole  razor just  because the  blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing  back then.

Back then, people took the bus and kids  rode their  bikes to school or walked instead of turning  their mums into a  24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical  socket in a room, not an entire bank of  sockets to power a dozen  appliances. And we didn't need a  computerized gadget  to receive  a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles  out in space in  order to find the nearest fish and chip shop.

But isn't it  sad  the current generation laments how wasteful we old  folks were just  because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please  forward  this on to another selfish, grumpy old git who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young  person.

Remember:  Don't make old people mad.

We don't  like being old in the first place, so it  doesn't take much  to piss us off! 

Still celebrating



Husband takes the wife to a disco.


There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, the works.


The wife turns to her husband and says:


"See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."


Husband says:

"Looks like he's still f@#uckin celebrating!!!

Shrewd Scots ..


A  man in Scotland calls his son in   London the day before  Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day  but I have to tell you that your mother  and I  are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is  enough.”
'Dad,  what are you talking about?' the son  screams.
 “We  can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the  father says.   “We're  sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this,  so you call your  sister in Leeds and  tell her.”
Franticly,  the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.  “Like hell they're  getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of  this!”
She  calls Scotland  immediately, and screams at her father “You are  NOT getting  divorced.  Don't do a single thing until I get  there. I'm calling my brother  back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then,  don't do a thing, DO  YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man  hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Sorted!  They're
coming  for Christmas – and they're paying their own  way.'