Kaalkop

*ADVICE FROM JOHN – A RETIRED HUSBAND*

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes
harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they
were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are
oversensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is John. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife.
When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Patricia to get a
full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for
the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I
noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the
golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest
for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don’t yell at her.
Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner
on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the club, so
eating out is not reasonable. I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I
hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating.
But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours
after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening
that they won’t clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as
it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think.For example, she will say
that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during
her lunch hour. *But, Boys, we take ’em for better or worse*, so I just
smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or
even three days. That way, she won’t have to rush so much. I also remind
her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if
you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I
try not to make a scene. I’m a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a
nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a
while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make
one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support my wife. I’m
not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will
find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than
I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if
you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife
because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well
worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

EDITOR’S NOTE:
John, died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police
report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha
Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip
showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife was arrested and
charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her
Not Guilty, accepting her defense that John, somehow without looking,
accidentally sat down on his golf club.

[image: Description: Photo]

*You’re a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing
home available for you. So what do you do?Our plan gives anyone 65 years or
older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians!!Of
course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three
meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and
all the health care you need!Need new teeth? No problem. Need new glasses?
No problem. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re all
covered. As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as
they do now.And who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same
government that just told you they cannot afford for you to go into a
nursing home.And you can get rid of 4 useless politicians while you are at
it. Just look how happy Mary is in the photo!The best part of this program…
now that you’re a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any taxes anymore.*

One morning three women are golfing on the fourth green when suddenly
a guy runs by wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

As he passes by the first woman, she looks down and says, “Well, he’s
certainly not my husband.”

As he passes by the second woman, she also glances downward and says,
“He’s not my husband either.”

He then passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.

“Wait a minute,” she says. “He’s not even a member of this golf club.”

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*THE WALLS OF JERICHO – SA version :)*****

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*A school inspector is visiting a grade 4 class in one of the local schools
in the Soweto township*****

*
He is introduced to the class by the teacher, Miss Wesizwe.

She says to the class: “Let’s show the inspector just how clever you are by
allowing him to ask you a question.”

The inspector decides to ask a biblical question. He asks: “Class, who
broke down the walls of Jericho?”

For a full minute there is absolute silence, the children all just stare at
him blankly.

Eventually Sipho raises his hand, the Inspector points excitedly to him
Sipho stands up and says: “Sir, I don’t know who broke down the walls of
Jericho, but it wasn’t me”

The inspector looks at the teacher for an explanation, she says: Well, I’ve
known Sipho since the beginning of the year and I believe that if he says
that he didn’t do it, then he didn’t do it.”

The inspector is shocked at the level of ignorance and storms down to the
principal’s office and tells him what happened.

The principal replies: “Look I don’t know the boy, but I socialise every
now and then with his teacher and I believe her, if she feels that the boy
was not involved, then he must be innocent.”

The inspector can’t believe what he is hearing, he grabs the phone on the
principal’s desk and dials the Minister of Education and relates the entire
episode and asks her what she thinks of the education standard in the
school.

The Minister sighs heavily and replies: “Eish wena, you know I’m very busy,
I don’t know the boy, the teacher or the principal, just get three quotes,
add 50% for me, and have the wall fixed by my brother.” *****

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