The ramblings of a serial head-shaver
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Makes perfect sense to me!
Understanding the Male Psyche This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males: A wife asks her husband: “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk,and if they have avocados, get 6?" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had avocados. |
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The Green Thing
Checking out at Tesco, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment.
The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."
The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations." She was right — our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.
Back then, we returned milk bottles, pop bottles and beer bottles to the shop. The shop sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were re cycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.
We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocers and didn't climb into a 200-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby's nappies because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 2000 watts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right. We didn't have the green thing back in our day.
Back then, we had one TV (if we were very lucky/well off), or one radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (anyone remember them?), not a screen the size of Yorkshire . In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.
When we packaged a fragile item to send in the post, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn petrol just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right. We didn't have the green thing back then.When we were thirsty we drank water from a tap instead of drinking from a plastic bottle of water shipped from the other side of the world. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their mums into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical socket in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest fish and chip shop.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?
Please forward this on to another selfish, grumpy old git who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.
Remember: Don't make old people mad.
We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off!
Husband takes the wife to a disco.
There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says:
"See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says:
"Looks like he's still f@#uckin celebrating!!!
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”
'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Sorted! They're coming for Christmas – and they're paying their own way.'
THIS IS WHY WE LOVE SENIORS…
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his
truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't
live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought
a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of
chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem
– how to carry his entire purchases home. While he was scratching his head he was approached by a
little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird
Lane ?' The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is
very close to that house. I would walk you there but I
can't carry this lot.' The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint
in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken
under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?' 'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk
the old girl home. On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down
this alley. We'll be there in no time.' The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said,
'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold
me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way
with me?' The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket,
a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the
world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do
that?' The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with
the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll
hold the chickens.
