via mail.google.com
The ramblings of a serial head-shaver
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New Element Discovered – Soon To Be Included On The Periodic Table
Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 – 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has
half as many peons but twice as many morons. -
Politics
I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up.
Both of her parents, ANC supporters, were standing there, so I asked her, " If you were President what would be the first thing you would do? "
She said she wanted to be President some day.
She replied, " I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people. " Her parents smiled hugely. " Wow…what a worthy goal. " I told her, " But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that.
You can come over to my house for a morning and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you R100.
Then I'll take you over to the supermarket where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the R100 to use toward food and a new house.
I said, " Welcome to the DA! "
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked:
" Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the R100? "
Her parents still aren't speaking to me.
