The ramblings of a serial head-shaver
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Don’t touch my lunch!
No one place on Earth harbours more passive aggression than an office kitchen.
The ramblings of a serial head-shaver
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No one place on Earth harbours more passive aggression than an office kitchen.
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A Scottish Solder in full dress uniform marches into a chemists. Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds – to reveal a condom.
The condom has a number of patches on it.
The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
“How much to repair it?” the Scot asks the chemist.
“Six pence,” says the chemist.
“How much for a new one?”
“Ten pence”, says the chemist.
The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.
A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout.
The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.
“The regiment has taken a vote,” he says. “We’ll have a new one.
John het n afspraak by die haarkapper en stap presies 3-uur by die salon in.
Haarkapper: " Jislaaik, jy is presies op tyd, net soos George"
John: " Wie is George?"
Haarkapper: " George was n ou wat alles altyd reg en perfek gedoen het.
Soos jy nou presies 3-uur hier ingestap het was George altyd stiptelik en altyd hoflik en altyd netjies"
John: "Ja, maar almal het tog maar iewers n tekortkoming of twee"
Haarkapper: "Nie George nie nee, hy was n uitstekende atleet, rugbyspeler en tennisster met n gespierde liggaam om van te droom.
Hy kon opera sing wat Frank Sinatra na n amateur laat klink het en dan kon hy boonop homself op die klavier begelei.
Nee George was n amazing ou, nie so allerdaags en onbeholpe soos ek nie"
John: "Klink my hy was regtig n merkwaardige ou"
Haarkapper: "Baie merkwaardig. Hy het n brein soos n computer gehad.
Hy het almal se verjaarsdae en huweliksherdenkings onthou.
Hy was n wynkenner en fynproewer van formaat met die mooiste tafelmaniere ooit.
Verder kon hy enige ding op aarde regmaak.
Nie soos ek wat net probeer om die stoof se fuse te vervang en dan die hele buurt se krag laat trip nie.
Nee, ou George kon net niks verkeerd doen nie"
John: "Ja-nee wragtig, jy kry nie baie sulke mense nie"
Haarkapper: "Jy weet, hy het die gawe gehad om nooit in die verkeer vas te sit nie.
Hy het altyd die kortste en vinnigste roete gery sonder om ooit in n verkeersknoop te land.
Ek, aan die ander kant, land elke bleddy dag in n traffic jam.
George het net nie foute gemaak nie, en kon hy n vrou bederf en laat goed voel!
Al is sy verkeerd het hy nooit tee gepraat of geargumenteer nie.
Kyk, meer perfek as George kan en sal jy nerens kry nie"
John: "Ongelooflik, hoe het jy hom ontmoet?"
Haarkapper: "Nee, ek het nooit die voorreg gehad om vir George te ontmoet nie.
Hy is n paar jaar gelede oorlede ……… ek het met sy fokken weduwee getrou"
Just in case you’ve are going to have a rough day, here’s a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts.
The funny thing is that it really works…
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called "the world."
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you’re holding underwater.
