dog food for my daughter's Springer Spaniel and was in the checkout queue
 when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
 
 What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have
 little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
 starting the Eukanuba Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
 because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stone
 before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my
 orifices and IVs in both arms.
 
 I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
 works is to load your pockets with Eukanuba nuggets and simply eat one or
 two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it
 works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
 practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
 
 Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
 food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
 Setter's arse and a car hit us both.
 
 I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
 laughing so hard.
 
 I'm now banned from the Pets at Home store.