Tender process definitions

TENDER SUBMISSION: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

TENDER SUM: A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

SUCCESSFUL TENDERER: A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

ARCHITECT: A man who knows very little about a great deal, and keeps
knowing less and less about more and more until he knows practically
nothing about everything.

CONSULTING ENGINEER: A man who knows a great deal about very little, and
goes on knowing more and more about less and less until he knows
practically everything about nothing.

QUANTITY SURVEYORS: People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the
wounded.

LAWYERS: People who go in after the Quantity Surveyors and strip the
bodies.

COST PLAN ESTIMATE: The cost of construction in heaven.

MANAGEMENT CONTRACT: The technique for losing your shirt under perfect
control.

COMPLETION DATE: The point at which liquidated damages begin.

LIQUIDATED DAMAGES: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

SUB-CONTRACTOR: A gambler, who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

CONTRACTOR: A man who starts out knowing practically everything, but ends
up knowing nothing due to his association with Architects and Consulting
Engineers ETC.