Kaalkop

Uncategorized

Book IFTTT Rails Rails Installer Religion Review Ruby Ruby On Rails TechnoThriller Thriller YouTube

 

 

  • At peace with your maker?


    An 80-year-old man goes for a physical.. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, ‘George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?’

    George replies, ‘God and I are tight.. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! the light goes off.’

    ‘Wow, that’s incredible,’ the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls George’s wife Ethel,’ George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God . Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof! the light goes off?’

    ‘Oh my God!’ Ethel exclaims. ‘He’s pissing in the fridge again!

  • Economic recovery, it all makes sense now

     

       

    If you did not understand the minister’s budget speech here it goes…………………

    Economic recovery

    It is a slow day in the small Eastern Cape Province town of King William’s Town   , and streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

    A rich tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the hotel, and lays a R200 note on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.

    As soon as he walks upstairs, the hotel owner grabs the note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

    The butcher takes the R200 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

    The pig farmer takes the R200 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Farmer's Co-op.

    The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the R200 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

    The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

    The hotel proprietor then places the R200 back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.

    At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the R200 note and leaves town.

    No one produced anything. No one earned anything… However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the South African government is conducting business today.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Don’t mess with this guy

    Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night.

    They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling.

    We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'
     
    The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.
    The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'
    The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.
    Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'
    The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad'.

    'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a 
    cactus patch.

    Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.
    'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

    The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.

  • Overheard in the bunch ‘Nuwe brille? Jy lyk soos n ou kakhuis met nuwe vensters.’