The ramblings of a serial head-shaver

  • This rabbit must have eaten some weird grass


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  • I will be in hospital..from 23.12.2010 till 12.01.2011

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    Dear Friends,

    Please note that I will be out of the office from 17/12/2010 to 12/01/2011. I will respond to all mail upon my return, on 13 January 2011.

     

    I went to the doctor, as I was not feeling well for some time now.   Result of all my tests were shocking, my doctor said I am in desperate need of extra fluids in my body, which would benefit my immune system tremendously.  I will be in hospital for observation and that duration to receive the required fluids…..
     
    Apparently, this all is a tendency of rising stress levels in my life. So I strongly recommend that you undergo the same procedure that I am currently facing. Attached is the medication, which they will be using on me… 

    Wish me luck!

    B

  • Opstel oor arm wees

    Imagine as jy 'n onderwyser is en jy kry so 'n opstel van een van jou leerders:

    Arm, Armer, Moer-arm

     Ons was moer-arm. Agt kinders. Daai tyd was ek in Std 2 en moes ons van daai glas bottelkies gom met die rooi proppie en rooi kwassie hê vir skool. My Ma het amper flou geval toe ek haar vra vir gom. "Waar dink hulle moet ons die geld vandaan kry?"

     Maar natuurlik – Boere maak 'n plan. En Ma was nie stupid nie. Sy kon tot gom maak. Ruk daar flour uit, gooi suiker by en kook die spul op die stoof. Ek staan eenkant, baie impressed met my slim Ma. Laat dit toe effens afkoel en sit dit in 'n ou NCR Yeast Blikkie wat so bietjie verblyk was.

     Ek was die enigste kind met 'n Yeast Blikkie op my tafel. Al die ander kinders het die regte bottelkies gom gehad. Ek het nie baie omgegee nie, want my gom was baie beter as hulle sin en het geplak soos Superglue nie kan plak nie!

     So drie weke later, terwyl die biesies buite bewe van die hitte, sit  ons klas in doodse stilte, besig met eksamen. Fokkit mense, een moerse  ontploffing ruk die hele skool tot aandag.  

    Daar trek my donnerse blikkie  se deksel en hy agterna tot teenaan die sielieng. Dis net gom wat  neerkom op ons soos 'n donnerstorm! Alles is wit.  

    En dit stink  ongelooflik – suurhol se moses! Ek't nog nooit iets in my hele lewe  geruik wat so gestink het nie. Die Juffrou se brille is vol gom. Haar   hare spierwit. Dit drup van haar af asof sy in 'n shower staan.  Tot in   haar kliewitch by haar tieties. Ek kon nie glo dat sy soos 'n beeld lyk   nie.

     Oral waar ek kyk in die klas is almal faaktap van die gom. Almal is wit  en gil van die skrik. Ons boeke is faaktap. Ons klere is faaktap. Ons  stink faaktap.

    Juffrou wip toe haar gat en jaag ons almal uit en sê ons kan maar huis  toe gaan. Van die kinders wat bus gery het se gom het goed drooggeword  van al die gewag. Ek was woedend toe ek by die huis kom. My Ma het  gedink dis 'n moerse grap en het haar dinges amper geskeur van die lag  toe sy my sien EN ruik.

    Die klaskamer moes uitgeverf word om van die suurholreuk ontslae te  raak,maar ons kon dit nog vir weke dwarsdeur daai PVA ruik.

    Ek was glad nie gewild nie. Niemand wou eers meer met my speel nie…

    Dis nou wat gebeur as jy Moer-arm is!

     

  • An Irish priest

    Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning.
    It was a fine spring day at St Johns Catholic Church.
    He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the
    beautiful day outside.
    He then noticed there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
    Not knowing who else to call, he promptly called the local police station.
    The conversation went like this:
    ”Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”
    “And the best of the day ter yer good self. This is Father O’Malley at
    St. Johns Catholic Church. There’s a donkey lying dead right in der
    middle of me front lawn ”
    Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a
    smirk, “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people
    took care of the last rites!”
    There was dead silence on the line for a long moment and then Father
    O’Malley replied:
    “Ah, ‘to be sure, that is true; but we are also obliged to notify the
    next of kin.”

  • Fair Labour Practice

    The South African Department of Labour claimed a small Robertson farmer was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

    Department of Labour Employee: "I need a list of your employees and how much  you pay them."

    Farmer: "Well, there's my farm hand who's been with me for 30 years. I pay him R1 400 a week plus free room and board."

    "Then there's the mentally challenged worker. He works about 18 hours a day,  seven days a week and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about R100 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of brandy every Saturday night so he can cope with life.

    Department of Labour Employee: "That's the guy I want to talk to…the mentally challenged one."

    Farmer: "That would be me."