Uncategorized – Page 3

Jun 4, 2012

Tenders put in the right context

Tender process definitions

TENDER SUBMISSION: A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

TENDER SUM: A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

SUCCESSFUL TENDERER: A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

ARCHITECT: A man who knows very little about a great deal, and keeps
knowing less and less about more and more until he knows practically
nothing about everything.

CONSULTING ENGINEER: A man who knows a great deal about very little, and
goes on knowing more and more about less and less until he knows
practically everything about nothing.

QUANTITY SURVEYORS: People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the
wounded.

LAWYERS: People who go in after the Quantity Surveyors and strip the
bodies.

COST PLAN ESTIMATE: The cost of construction in heaven.

MANAGEMENT CONTRACT: The technique for losing your shirt under perfect
control.

COMPLETION DATE: The point at which liquidated damages begin.

LIQUIDATED DAMAGES: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

SUB-CONTRACTOR: A gambler, who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

CONTRACTOR: A man who starts out knowing practically everything, but ends
up knowing nothing due to his association with Architects and Consulting
Engineers ETC.

Apr 26, 2012

Jonas en die Arend

Ou Jonas is 'n knap werker, maar een oggend sit

hy net voor sy huisie en staar.

Boer: "Jonas, wat is vanoggend verkeerd? Voel jy nie lekker nie?"

Jonas: "Nee, Oubaas. Ou Jonas hy sit net hier en hy dênk."
Boer: "Nou waaroor dink jy vanoggend so diep?"

Jonas: "Ou Jonas, hy sien die meerkat by die veld. Hy sien die arend by die lug. Nou, die arend hy duik af en hy gryp die meerkat. En hy vlieg met hom hoog by die lug. Hoog! En toe die arend hy duik af grond toe. Vinnag! En toe hy by die grond kom, hy gaan weer op by die lug. Ou Jonas hy
sien daai meerkat se oge. Hulle is groot, soos pierings.
"Nou ou Jonas hy dênk: daai meerkat, hy hou fokkol van vlieg."

Apr 23, 2012